Words Spoken in Silence
by LdyAnne
Summary: Most of the time John didn’t even know what they were arguing about.  John and Rodney friendship


Most of the time John didn't even know what they were arguing about.

Whatever it was, it was always something stupid and pointless like what planets were a priority on their mission schedule (ZPMs Rodney argued, allies was what John argued for), what movie to watch on team movie night (John pulled out Back to the Future mostly to piss off Rodney, but it really was a cool move. Who wouldn't love a time-traveling car?), who was breaking the rules with their Ancient Sims game (it was so Rodney).

It was all arguing, all the time.

The Binnowee were a pleasant enough people and they'd actually seemed friendly and unlikely to snap and chase the team out at gunpoint (or the local equivalent). Still, John wasn't really surprised when the headwoman of the Binnowee people, Iluka, stood up while they were at lunch and John and Rodney were arguing over whether a sweet, yellow vegetable was actually the demon citrus in disguise and shouted, "Enough!"

Every eye in the dining hall jerked to her in surprise as she pointed her claw-like fingers at Sheppard and McKay. She kind of reminded John of one of those Ring Wraith thingies from the Lord of the Rings with her gnarled and twisted fingers pointed straight at John and Rodney. Or maybe just the Wraith of the Pegasus Galaxy with her long white hair and her lined-with-age face. Whichever it was, she was glaring and pointing at the pair of them.

Those eyes that had looked to her now turned to John and Rodney in frank disapproval that the pair had managed to upset their venerated leader.

John put on his best 'Aw shucks, me?' smile and tried to look innocent.

Rodney glared back at the eyes turned on them and demanded, "What?"

The woman moved slowly from her place at the head of the table. She leaned heavily on the carved cane she carried with her. One of her people scurried to her side and put a hand under her elbow. She nodded gratefully then made her way inexorably to stand in front of John and Rodney. "You have done nothing but argue since you have been here," she informed them, her voice heavy and disapproving.

John felt like that time in the sixth grade when he'd been caught smoking in the bathroom and was sent to the principal's office. He'd sat in the hallway outside the office feeling like a king-sized idiot for letting the other boys talk him into doing something he hadn't even liked. His lungs burned and his mouth tasted terrible. Then he'd had to go inside the office and face Mr. Richards' disappointment. John had nearly idolized the man because he was smart and funny and had flown jets in the Air Force. John had wanted to be just like Mr. Richards when he grew up. He remembered praying fervently that the earth would open up and swallow him down before he went into Mr. Richards' office. Of course it didn't. Otherwise he wouldn't have been standing there many years later under the disapproving glare of the head woman of the Binnowee people.

John saw the same disappointment in the head woman's eyes that he had seen in Mr. Richard's eyes that day. He slid a glance over at Rodney only to see that McKay had his chin thrust out and his arms crossed over his chest. Shit, they were in so much trouble.

Rodney opened his mouth to speak and John stepped on his foot. He didn't know what the head woman had in mind, but it was only going to be worse if he allowed any words out of McKay's mouth. Rodney stood and turned on him instantly.

"What in the hell are you doing? That was my foot in case you didn't know. But why would you? I'm only standing right beside you."

John surged to his feet, glaring right back at Rodney, "Would you shut the hell up for once? You've offended the nice head woman here and now she's probably not going to want to trade with us and you know Elizabeth was counting on…"

Rodney cut him off. "I do not take orders from you, Colonel," he snapped, his eyes glittering with anger.

John felt his own fury rise. "In the field you will take my orders, McKay," he shouted back, "or you'll be off the team…"

"Oh, yes, let's threaten me with that. You know you wouldn't go out into the field with anyone else…"

They were standing toe to toe shouting each other down, oblivious to everyone around them until the head woman stepped between them and said, "Enough!" one more time. She snapped her gnarled, old fingers and several of the bigger, more burly of her men stood, placing themselves strategically to either side of Sheppard and McKay.

Abruptly there was complete silence in the hall as John and Rodney continued their argument silently, each one accusing the other of being more stubborn and obtuse with narrowed gazes, flared nostrils and flat, tightened lips.

Teyla stepped forward, placing herself between John and Rodney and the venerable old woman. She bowed her head in respect to Iluka.

"I apologize for my… friends," she spoke through gritted teeth. From her tone John knew that he was going to get his ass kicked but good the next time they practiced with the banta sticks. He didn't know what she had planned for McKay, but it would be something just as painful he was sure.

And yeah, they'd screwed up royally this time. He had grown so used to arguing with McKay that he hadn't been able to turn it off in the field and now they were going to have to pay the price.

John sized up the room. His team could take the natives if they had to, they had superior fire power and he had complete confidence in Ronon's and Teyla's ability to take care of themselves, even Rodney could probably manage okay.

But did they really want to screw things up that bad? They'd never be able to come back again if they were forced to shoot their way out. And the planet had things they needed – grain that made some excellent bread (even with the Daedalus making regular supply runs, it was nice to have fresh bread), some fruit thing that Beckett was practically begging for because of it's nutritional value (and it was really tart and juicy and made great pies) and some sort of mineral that Rodney wanted really, really badly.

So shooting their way out was off the table. Besides they were getting a bad reputation around the Pegasus Galaxy for being unstable trading partners. He stood back and tried to let Teyla work her diplomatic magic. He met McKay's eyes and softened his glare trying to entreat the other man to keep his mouth the hell shut for once.

Maybe it worked because the straight slash of Rodney's mouth tightened even further like he had to work to keep the vitriol in, but no more words spilled forth.

Iluka surveyed them both with narrowed eyes before she turned to Teyla, "Teyla, it is not for you to apologize. You're behavior has been exemplary since you have been here, as has your other companion."

Ronon just shrugged smugly. A strangled sound erupted from McKay, but no intelligible words were heard.

"Still, they are new to the ways of the Pegasus Galaxy and I would ask your forgiveness." Teyla insisted.

There was more silence as the woman again turned her eyes to survey the recalcitrant pair. John dropped his eyes, shifting uneasily under her penetrating gaze. Rodney, predictably, just raised his chin further and met her gaze head on.

"It is for us to teach the young so that they may learn," she said at last. She nodded at someone. One of the women at the table stood quickly. She gave a brief nod of her head to the old woman before she hurried from the room.

John didn't like the sounds of 'teach the young.' He shifted again and tried to catch Teyla's eye. She was very obviously refusing to even glance in his direction.

"I believe that they have learned their lesson, honored one," Teyla entreated.

John tried to judge Teyla's mood. She didn't have that 'oh, my god, we're all going to die any minute' tenseness to her. No, it was more the 'this is going to be very unpleasant and I'm going to say I told you so' look. Somehow that didn't reassure him. At all.

There was absolute silence in the hall as everyone waited to see what was going to happen. Even Rodney managed to keep his mouth shut for once, which was probably a miracle, but John couldn't bring himself to appreciate the fact. It was too little, too late.

The woman returned quickly enough with a small bottle filled with a thick, grey liquid. The head woman took it and held it up for all to see. It made John kind of nauseous just to look at it. There was a murmur that ran through the room. It sounded like a satisfied murmur to John. He looked at Teyla with a lifted brow. If they were going to run they needed to do it now.

"Please, you must believe me that we meant no offense." Teyla sounded desperate to John's ear. That was okay, because he was kind of desperate. He didn't want to have to go back to Elizabeth and tell her that they'd screwed up. She'd want to know why. And he'd have to tell her. She'd already been casting disapproving glances at him and Rodney as they sniped through staff meetings. He'd half expected her to want to talk to him or both of them any day now. So, it was going to be the head woman or Elizabeth. With a choice like that the viscous grey fluid seemed almost the more appealing alternative.

Iluka turned to Teyla and smiled a sweet, loving smile, "And you have given no offense, child," she said kindly. "It is these," she shot a dark glance in John and Rodney's direction, "who must learn a lesson about silence and the words that are spoken that we do not hear."

"If you think that I'm going to just stand around and take this abuse…" Rodney began, arms crossed across his chest in his most stubborn manner. He was afraid, John could see it in the quickened pace of his breathing, but it just translated into stubbornness for those that didn't know him as well as John.

"That is enough from you," the woman said.

John didn't see any sign from her this time, but the men who had been looming behind them stepped forward and grabbed their arms. The room erupted into a brief flurry of motion as Ronon tried to jump across the table only to be hauled back by more of the large native types. John struggled for all he was worth, but unless he was willing to use something besides his fists, it was a losing battle. All too soon he and Rodney were on their knees.

"You cannot do this," Teyla protested vehemently. She hadn't joined in on the pointless struggle, instead choosing to make her stand in a different way. But it didn't look like she was going to be any more successful. "We will leave."

"Teyla," the woman said soothingly. "I am not going to hurt your friends. You have known me a long time; I thought you knew me better than that."

Teyla's back was stiff and her eyes were cold, "I did think I knew you, it is obvious to me now that I was mistaken."

The woman nodded her head slowly in quiet acceptance of Teyla's anger. "It is my hope that you will see that what I am doing now is for their good." She nodded at John and Rodney where they were waiting on their knees. Rodney made some muffled noises but the natives had stuck a gag into his mouth perhaps so that he would no longer offend their sensibilities with his words. Because that's what it was, John could see. The woman was upset by their arguing. It seemed a little crazy to him, but he could also understand it.

"Ma'am," John ventured. He didn't think anything he said at this point was going to help, but it sure couldn't hurt (he hoped). "I know how irritating Rodney can be. Trust me; I've wanted to shoot him myself more than once."

Rodney may not have been able to speak, but the glare that he was shooting at John would have burned him to cinders on the spot if they had been an actual death ray.

Then there was a gag shoved in John's mouth and he was unable to speak. Rodney made smug sounds around his own gag. John glared back at him.

"You may not understand now," the woman said as she took their cups off the table and spilled the grey liquid into them, "but I am giving you a gift." She motioned for John and Rodney to be moved and they were man-handled until they were kneeling in front of her. She held the cups out to them, "I am giving you the gift of silence."

John didn't see that he had any other choice but to reach out and take the cup. Following his lead, Rodney reached out and took the other. The gag was removed and John sniffed at the liquid in the cup. It smelled just as revolting as it looked. He slid a sideways glance at Rodney and found him doing the same thing. Only Rodney was probably checking for lemon, and didn't even notice that the cup smelled like sludge from the bottom of a mud pile.

"Drink," Iluka commanded.

John gave a grimace. He could already hear the lecture they were going to get from Carson about drinking strange potions while off-world. But it wasn't like he was being given a choice. He took a deep breath and then belted the entire thing down. He imagined that it was what drinking mud would be like – thick and slimy going across his tongue and sliding down his throat. He thought he might just throw it back up when the stuff hit his stomach, but after a moment it settled.

Rodney was clutching his own cup, watching John closely for any sign of an adverse reaction. There was a question in his eye, because even if John could drink it without any side effects, it didn't mean it was safe for Rodney. John gave a minute shake of his head. It wasn't fool proof because they'd had a bad experience once with something that none of them thought was citrusy at all and it had nearly killed Rodney before they could get him back to Atlantis.

Rodney had that 'I still don't like it look' about him, but he could figure the odds, better than any of them in the room, and they weren't getting out until Rodney took his dose of whatever the hell they were being given. He tipped his cup back and drank down the goop and then spit and cursed and choked it down.

The people in the room had the temerity to laugh. John had to curl his hands into tight fists and remind himself not to hit anyone because they still weren't out of the situation yet.

"What did you give us?" John meant to ask. Except when he opened his mouth to speak nothing came out.

Next to him, Rodney's mouth opened and closed and opened again. John could see when the realization hit him.

They couldn't speak.

"What have you done?" Teyla demanded again. She was nearly quivering with restrained anger. She took her responsibility as their guide seriously. The fact that people she had brought her Lantean friends to had harmed them made her angrier than John had ever seen her. Hastily he scrambled to his feet and moved to her. Now that they'd drunk whatever the disgusting potion was, the people didn't seem inclined to stop him. He put a restraining hand on Teyla's arm. They couldn't afford any more 'lessons.'

"I have listened to these two yappers, all day," the woman said looking from John to Rodney. Yappers were the small animals that lived on the edges of the village. They hid in the trees and scavenged for whatever they could find in the village's trash. They could be heard in the night yapping at one another as they hunted. The team hadn't really seen one up close, but John imagined they looked like dogs. "And yet they have said nothing to each other in all that time," Iluka continued. "I thought perhaps they needed some silence so they could hear what they were really trying to say."

John would have laughed if he could at the thought of the two of them really communicating. They were guys, didn't she know that? For his part, John thought Rodney was going to hurt himself trying to speak. His mouth was opening and closing and yet nothing was coming out. His face just kept getting redder and redder in his frustration. John couldn't help the smirk that touched his lips.

"Oh, do not look so worried," the woman scolded Teyla. "It is not permanent. Just until they have spoken the words that they will not say."

He couldn't say so, but John thought it sounded awfully permanent to him. From the sour expression on Rodney's face he thought so, too.

"I am afraid that we must take our leave now." Teyla frowned so that Iluka would know that she was not happy. Yeah, Teyla was a master of the unspoken. She didn't need to say anything for her unhappiness to be abundantly clear. "I do not know how your potion will have affected the Lanteans. They need to return to their healers and their own doctors."

The woman gave a careless wave of her hand, "Do what you must, Teyla Emmagin. It is my hope that you will return when you find that they have not been harmed." She turned a frown to John and Rodney, "Do not return until you have found the words that must be said."

She swept from the dining hall, her people following behind them.

Ronon helped Rodney to his feet and they returned to the Stargate and Atlantis. Not a word was said on the journey back. Not even by the team members who could still speak.

* * *

At first people thought it was a joke and kept trying to get them to speak. When Rodney turned an alarming shade of red and nearly hyperventilated, they were convinced at last. Elizabeth sent them to the infirmary although John was pretty sure Carson wasn't going to be able to do anything for them. He was right. He hated being right.

"There does nae appear to be anything physically wrong with you," Carson said at last after hours of tests and blood letting that left John feeling like a pin cushion. He knew Rodney felt the same from the sour, constipated look on his face. He chuckled silently at the thought that Rodney had all those words stopped up and there'd be an eruption when they finally were let out.

Rodney tapped away quickly on the laptop that he'd had one of his minions bring him and tilted it so Carson could read it, " i _Then there's not really a reason for us to be here then, is there_/i "

John could hear McKay's snide and dismissive tone. Without waiting for an answer Rodney hopped off the bed and headed for the door. John thought it sounded like a good plan, so he followed.

Carson's voice followed them, "I'd really like to keep you for observation for a few more hours."

John just waved a hand back at him as he disappeared through the door. He really couldn't think of anything worse than having to sit around the infirmary for hours unable to speak a word as Carson and his team poked and prodded and ran any test they wanted with patients that were unable to protest.

Rodney smirked at him as they walked down the hallway together. At the transporter, Rodney paused to type out for John, " i _I'm going to research this and see if I can find anything to help_ /i ."

John nodded his approval and went to his office to get some work done since they weren't able to go off world (obviously).

If he'd ever thought about it, John wouldn't have thought that not being able to speak would be much of a handicap for him. After all, he wasn't much of a speaker at the best of times. But every time he tapped his com to call Rodney or Elizabeth or Lorne, he remembered too late that he couldn't actually speak to them. He ended up sending lots of e-mail to the people he wanted to talk to. He was amazed at just how frustrating it was not to be able to speak when he wanted to. It was something he'd always taken for granted – like breathing and walking. Now that he couldn't just tap his com and say, "Hey McKay, want to meet me for some Ancient sims?" he found it more frustrating than he ever would have imagined.

Finally, tired of paperwork and the silence that pressed in around, he closed down his lap top and wandered down the labs to see how McKay was managing the whole thing.

Walking down the halls was a strange experience. He'd never realized how many people he actually spoke to during the day. He nodded at those who said, "Hey, Sir," waved at those who tried to stop him, but he didn't pause. Just how did you explain that you couldn't speak when you couldn't speak? He was hoping that McKay might have found some answers because he was already tired of their 'lesson.'

He arrived at the lab and was surprised to hear Rodney's strident voice from outside in the hallway.

"Are you stupid or is this just your day to leave your brain at home?" he heard. "Are you trying to blow us all up? No, I know. Things were too quiet around here and you needed some excitement?"

John opened his mouth to see if the condition had worn off, but nope there was nothing. He entered the lab to find the usual controlled chaos that reigned there. Rodney was brow-beating one of his minions in the corner, his voice easily rising over the quiet voices of the rest of the scientists in the lab as they did their best to not be noticed.

John strode in McKay's direction determined to find out how he had regained his speech. He stopped a few feet away when he saw that Rodney wasn't actually speaking. Instead, he was typing furiously into a computer and the voice was issuing from a pair of speakers set up next to it. He grinned when the man being chastised tried to get a word in edge-wise. Rodney's voice paused mid-tirade as he held up a hand to prevent the other man from speaking.

"I am not done yet. I'll tell you when you can speak," the voice said as Rodney's fingers danced across the keys. John could tell now that the voice was mechanical, although it did sound remarkably similar to Rodney's voice. It didn't have his strident tones though, everything was evenly modulated.

Zelenka saw him watching and came to whisper in his ear, "We had security tapes that we took voice samples from. It seems to keep him happy if he can hear sound of his own voice," before he went back to whatever it was he was doing.

Rodney noticed John then and his fingers faltered on the keys, the computer generated voice stuttered a little. Rodney typed and the voice said, "Go do something useful. I'll yell at you some more later."

The man fled, obviously relieved to escape further ranting. He gave Sheppard a grateful smile as he passed.

Rodney turned his attention back to John, scowling at him. "Don't you have anything better to do than to hang out bothering my staff?" he typed.

John just shrugged and smirked. Because they'd been arguing so much, John hadn't been to the labs for a few days. He found that he missed the busy activity and the challenges he found in the science labs and maybe even (a little) he missed McKay.

He crossed his arms and leaned on the counter next to Rodney doing his best to convey a careless attitude that he had all day. He lifted an eyebrow.

Rodney scowled at him and typed out, "I haven't found anything yet. So, what is it you're supposed to say to me that's going to fix this?"

John opened his mouth to hotly deny that he was the one who had something to say; only nothing came out. Frustrated, he snapped his mouth shut and turned and walked out, Rodney's voice following him all the way.

"Don't come back until you know how to fix this."

That was just the problem. John didn't know how to fix it. The truth was he really did miss McKay. He missed their friendship. It had been a long time since he'd let himself care about anyone. After Afghanistan, he'd walled himself off from the world because it hurt too much when he lost people he cared about. It was just easier to keep people at arm's length. When he lost them it didn't hurt so badly that way.

Then he'd come to Atlantis and found himself letting people in. Now he cared too much about the people under his command and one Dr. Rodney McKay. Rodney was the best friend he'd ever had. So Rodney's little trick with those stupid herbs of Lucius Lavin felt like a betrayal of the worst sort.

Yes, John had had known at the time that he was being unbearably insufferable to his friends about it and he had expected payback for riding everyone so hard in his glee that he had managed to save the day. But he would never have thought that Rodney would get his revenge in quite that fashion. He had thought that Rodney knew him well enough to know that to lose control over his mind and life like that was his worst nightmare.

While it was true that Rodney hadn't made him do anything too crazy under the influence of the herb (and John had been teasing Rodney about the fact that his quarters needed cleaning for a while), he would have done anything Rodney asked without question or complaint. It scared John to his marrow to think of what he would have been willing to do if Rodney had asked. The fact that Rodney hadn't abused the privilege (much) wasn't even close to the point. The point was that he'd put John in that place where he had no choices or free will.

Now he didn't know how to get his friendship back until Rodney would at least apologize or acknowledge that maybe he took the whole herb thing a little too far. John knew he should apologize, too, for teasing everyone so much. After all, he knew first hand how little control they had actually had once they were affected.

Deciding that he really didn't want to think about it, he headed to the gym. At least he didn't have to be able to speak in order to have Teyla beat him with the sticks. He actually felt better after having his ass handed to him a couple of times by Teyla and she looked like she had worked through some of her own anger at her team mates and the situation by the time they were done.

They sat in companionable silence afterwards.

"John," Teyla said at last, "I think you need to speak with Rodney about this situation."

John just stared at her, one brow raised questioningly. Had she forgotten that he couldn't speak? Actually it was the best excuse he'd ever had for not talking about his feelings.

A small smile tugged at her lips and she rolled her eyes fondly at him, "I know that you can not speak. But both of are very smart men, you will figure it out."

He held out his hands to indicate that he didn't know what she was talking about.

"John, you are not an idiot," she paused and a frown flitted across her face. "Oh, dear, perhaps I have been spending too much time with Dr. McKay." John couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips. "In any case, you can find a means to 'speak' if you really want to," she told him.

He shrugged, uncomfortable with the idea. They did need to talk, and the longer he waited was only going to make it worse. He nodded reluctantly that she was probably right. Teyla rose from the floor gracefully and reached down to give him a hand.

"There is no time like the present," she said.

John scowled at her, but he nodded reluctant agreement and took her hand.

It was late, well into dinner time, so John stopped at the mess and picked up a couple of dinners on his way to Rodney's lab. He knew Rodney. McKay wouldn't give up looking for an answer to their problem until he found it or until his body gave out.

It used to be that John would take him dinner occasionally; needing to make sure that Rodney took care of himself. He told himself that Atlantis needed Rodney at top shape to keep them all safe. But really, John liked having a friend again, someone to hang out with, someone who cared about him back.

He paused at the door of the lab. It was quiet with only the sounds of McKay's typing to break the silence. Everyone else had gone to dinner, as John had known they would. He carried their dinners over and sat them down next to Rodney's computer. Rodney scowled at him as usual, but then he moved his lap top to another table so they could eat.

John slid Rodney's plate in front of him. It was filled with the things that he knew Rodney liked: meat with lots of gravy, the almost green beans that were really an off-putting red color, the soft rolls that the cook made sometimes when he was in a generous mood (John slid his own roll over to Rodney's plate), a bowl of blue jello.

Rodney darted a little glance up at John and he could almost hear the ' i _thank you_ /i .'

John smiled. It was the best they'd gotten along in weeks.

As they ate in silence, John watched McKay. He looked tired, John realized. He wondered if their fighting was wearing on Rodney as much as it did on him. He wondered if Rodney missed their friendship, too.

Then Rodney looked up and saw John watching him. He ventured a small smile as he waved his fork over the food.

_It's good_.

John nodded. _Yeah_.

Rodney lowered his eyes to his plate and then looked back at John. _Listen…_

John regarded him steadily, his fork forgotten. _Yeah?_

Rodney took a deep breath and his fork waved again. _About the herb thing_…

John raised a brow, but he didn't let himself scowl. _The herb thing?_

Rodney's head titled back and forth uncertainly. _It's possible I might have… stepped over the line..._

Rodney's mouth opened and the words came spilling out, "I think I might have been just a little bit pissed that you wouldn't let the damned thing go and I…" his voice trailed off as he realized that he was speaking actual words after a day of silence.

John cleared his throat, "I was pretty much of a jerk about it. I know you guys didn't really have much control over how you acted," came out. It was amazing how a simple thing like talking could feel so good.

They stared at each other for a moment. Was it as easy as that?

"Listen," Rodney said, his voice catching a little, "are we good? Because I have to say that I'm pretty tired of us fighting, too."

John drug his fork through his own potatoes and nearTurkey. "Yeah, I think we're good," he said. It was such a relief. Because fighting with Rodney was the hardest thing he'd ever done.

And the thing was, they were good. Their friendship had always been easy. It was the fighting that was hard. It had been dragging him down and now that it was over, he was exhausted.

"I suppose we should tell Elizabeth that we can talk again?" Rodney asked.

"Nah," John said. "She'll just make us go back to the infirmary for more tests and Carson will make us spend the night there. Why don't we go back to my quarters? I've got some Buffy DVDs that I got from Lorne."

"Lorne's a Buffy fan?"

They finished their dinner discussing the relative merits of Buffy over Faith, not really saying much important, and that was the most important thing of all.

* * *

Disclaimer: SGA and it's characters don't belong to me, but that's okay as long as I can take them out and play with the occasionally.

This was written for the Flashfic wordless challenge. I hope you enjoyed it!


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